No rest for the wicked. I guess this is a good point. I've been trying to get to this point for two weeks. You know the point. The frantic deadline's approaching I don't have enough time I'm never going to get this all done how come we don't work off of the Star Trek 30 hour days point. This is the point where I am most productive. This is the point where I actually start getting shit done. I know I need to be here, but I hate it.
And so, what do I do last night in preparation for the time crunch? I get drunk. And not only do I get drunk, but right before I head into the bar for my friend's birthday party, I pick a fight with George. It wasn't really a new fight. Merely a continuation of the fight we've been having for two weeks. We've never finished the fight. We keep getting interrupted. I don't know if we finished it last night either. It doesn't feel like we finished it. He didn't say anything. I don't know.
Anyway, now I'm hungover, I have a headache, I have a million and one things to do, and all I want to do is sleep. And I can't remember the last time I ate anything. I should eat. Then I should take a nap. Then I should study. That's it. That's the plan.
On the up side...I'm really in a much better mood. I know there will be days that are good and days that are bad. The days that suck really suck. But I'm feeling them. I'm dealing with them as they come. It's hard. It's not getting easier yet. It will in time.
I was thinking about it last night. It's like there's a big opened wound, and I keep picking off the scab. And then poking it with a stick. And then smacking it a couple of times for good measure. It will heal eventually. It will leave a hell of a scar. It will likely fester and puss and get really gross before it's all done. And it would probably be a lot less painful if I would just leave it alone. But I don't want to leave it alone. I have years and years of leaving it alone in my future. While he's still here I'm going to poke it with a stick. Thus is love. One big festering opened wound. I love him so much, there is a big part of me that doesn't want the wound to heal. I don't want the scars. I don't want the pain to go away. I don't want to forget. I don't want it to be over. I just want him. Simple.
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3 comments:
Your situation makes me terrified of the fact that I may be in love with #2.
But I am glad you are feeling better. It sounds like you have some perspective on things, and that's very good.
Honey...I'm sorry. But just because life has decided that it's not for me doesn't mean it's not for you. Don't let it keep you from something wonderful.
What a fantastic analogy, B. I love it. It's gross and disgusting, but it's a perfect description all the same.
Good luck with everything whilst in the crunch. Is whilst even a word? If not, I'm inventing it rihgt now....... Somebody contact Websters.
And, yes Chris. What B said. Every situation is different. The fact that B didn't have happily ever after, doesn't mean that you won't.
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