My birthday is coming up. Every year my birthday brings emotional baggage. Many people re-evaluate their lives on New Years. I evaluate my life on my birthday.
I don't know that anyone is where they thought they would be at this stage of their life, whatever stage that may be. When we were five we thought about what we wanted to be when we grew up. When we were fifteen we dreamed about how grand life would be when we grew up. When we were twenty-two we hoped life would be better when we grew up. I've realized I should be grown up and none of those thoughts, dreams or hopes have come close to where I am.
Sure, I've achieved the basics. I have a fantastic education. I have a career I love. I have people in my life who love and support me. What else is there? I don't feel grown up yet. Most of the time I feel like I'm playing dress up when I go to work. I don't have all the answers, because I haven't even figured out all the questions.
I've realized I am still a kid in many ways. I'm still searching for....I don't even know. My path I guess.
I don't know how I'll celebrate my birthday this year. I will celebrate, because it is worth celebrating that last year is now over. I'm going to reclaim parts of my childhood I ignored when I was there. I am going to embrace the fact that I don't have all the answers, but seek the questions so I can discover. I am going to attempt to walk through the fear that new beginnings bring. And I'm going to eat cake. Lots and lots of cake.
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