Flog Blog

When I started the blog I had high hopes of blogging every day. There are very few things I do every day - basic bodily functions, obsess over my crappy life, waste a lot of time doing nothing - and blogging has turned out to not be one of them.

I've hung out with Mr. Jackass a couple of times. I don't know what's going on there. He fills a void I don't even know exists until I'm around him. He feeds my ego. He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me I'm the most amazing woman he has ever met. He loves me.

I've also hung out with Mr. Stonecold. I don't know what's going on there either. We have amazing...*ehm* times together. We can talk about anything. He seems genuinely interested in me and who I am as a human being. We laugh over stupid things, and debate serious subjects all in a ten minute period. He does not feed my ego. He does not tell me I'm beautiful. He does not tell me I'm the most amazing woman he has ever met. I don't know how he feels about me.

Mr. Jackass knows Mr. Stonecold and I have been "amazing". He does not know it's still going on. Mr. Stonecold know that Mr. Jackass and I are speaking again. He does not know Mr. Jackass has confessed his undying love for me and told me I'm the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. I feel a little dishonest.

If Mr. Stonecold doesn't care about me other than the "amazing", he won't mind that Mr. Jackass and I are hanging out again, right? Wrong. We're monogamous. (Not that Mr. Jackass and I are doing anything like that). Not only that but I think there's more there than Mr. Stonecold will admit. Mr. Jackass will pout and whine if I tell him Mr. Stonecold and I are still going on. That may not sound too bad, but trust me it's worth avoiding.

I guess I just want to have my cake and eat it too. I want someone to love me and tell me I'm beautiful and amazing, and someone who stimulates me intellectually with good conversation and *stuff*. So which one do I choose? The emotionally fulfilling but dead end relationship, or the physically fulfilling - potentially emotionally fulfilling - dead end relationship? See why I knit?

So I've been knitting up a storm. I spent about six hours yesterday checking out yarn for my new big project. I'm thinking about joining the Olympic Knit Along, but I don't think there is any way in hell I can actually finish a project in the given time.

Anyway. I'll flog myself for not blogging more often. More posts soon.