Momma's Always Right

So Mr. Jackass has been calling. He's e-mailed me a couple of times to see if I'd be willing to talk to him again. I haven't responded. So in true Jackass fashion he called. I'm a sucker. He's terrible for me. Maybe that's the attraction. I don't know.

I told him all about Mr. Stonecold. Which is difficult to explain without going into the full definition of our relationship, so I kept it at "seeing each other". I figured that was safe. Boy was I wrong.

Mr. Jackass was understandably upset. Told a friend, who told a friend, who told a friend that Mr. Stonecold had a girlfriend.

So Mr. Stonecold stops in at the local hangout last night and the girl behind the counter says "so I hear you have a girlfriend." Let me tell you a little story about a pile of crap in the middle of the room that somehow made connection with the fan. POW. His response was "I don't have girlfriends, I have friends with benefits."

So girl behind the counter tells a friend, who told a friend, who told a friend, who told Mr. Jackass. Who promptly got pissed and called me. I deserve better than friends with benefits, I deserve someone who loves me, blah blah blah. Well maybe I do, but in the meantime a girl has needs, ya know?

Maybe momma had it right with the whole milk and cow thing. The only problem with that is every now and then I need to be milked and I'm not ready to be up on the auction block. I'd just kinda like to be milked by the same guy for a while. I'd much prefer he like me, and want to keep me around for a while, and be nice and gentle. But depending on how long its been between milkings some of these things are negotiable.

As a result, here are the lessons I've learned:

1. Never talk to your ex after you break up. Even if you want to be friends it's just not going to happen. You've seen each other naked. You can't go have a beer and watch the game now.
2. Never tell your ex who you're seeing now. It's a cop out to tell them you're seeing someone at all. If you can't get rid of him on your own, maybe you're not doing it right.
3. Even if your ex has gotten some milk from someone other than you, that doesn't negate the fact that someone else is getting yours. He's still going to get pissed. Twit.

On a lighter note...I'm the greatest lawyer in the world. Won the hearing this morning. Shouldn't have. Did. I rock.