I consider myself a very open minded individual. Then again, I've never met anyone who admitted to being close minded. I do my best not to make judgments based on appearance. To avoid the stereotypes society creates based on what people do for a living, where they live, what they drive, or how they dress. It is not my place to make value judgments and classify people as "good" or "bad". We all do good things. We all do bad things. I try to avoid the people who's "bad things" affect me negatively. But I am not the judge, nor the jury. I am simply another human being trying to get by. I do my best to live life this way.
I have a friend, I've mentioned him before, who is a professional piercer. He is articulate, well spoken, well read, intelligent, and generally a hell of a lot of fun to hang out with. I count myself lucky to be one of the people he chooses to hang out with, because on the scale of "cool" we're not even on the same page. He is cooler than I am before he even wakes up in the morning. There is a certain amount of shock value to hanging out with him. He has fantastically long dreads, implants in his face, tattoos everywhere, he's loud, he's outgoing, and he's intimidating. When we're at the bar together I can't help thinking about that old Sesame Street song "One of these things is not like the other". Yeah, that would be me. Because when we hang out, I am the weird one. It's all context.
We had a conversation the other night which once again made me realize I'm not nearly as open minded as I strive to be. To look at him you would assume, I assume, that his "type" would be pierced and tattooed and be rough and tumble like he is. Someone who could go where he goes without standing out. Someone who was equally...well...cool. I think he does want these things, but not on the surface. On the surface he wants the pretty pretty princess. He wants the college educated, well dressed, intelligent woman that every man claims to want. He wants the soft and snugly girly girl. And try as I might, I just can't picture this. I am seriously disappointed in my own preconceptions.
Over the next couple of days I thought about this. I watched couples at the bar. I watched couples at the coffee shop. Looking for the underlying "unknown" below the appearance, the "more than meets the eye". Generally, the punks were with the punks. The rockers were with the rockers. The skeezy guys with the skeezy girls. And I wondered whether they started like this or whether one of them conformed. Which one of the boys started out as the suit and ended up as the punk? Which one of the girls started out as the punk and ended up in the "mom" uniform? Was it a matter of conformity for purposes of the relationship, for purposes of acceptance, because of the sociology of the group of people they surrounded themselves with? Did they all start out the way they are now, purple hair from the womb? Do they flock together like lemmings, searching for each other until they come together in one giant pack of weirdness? And what would happen if one day one of them decided it was cool to run around in Wranglers and cowboy boots? Would the bar be quickly taken over by cowboys?
Yeah...I know. Less people watching, more studying. I'm tryin.
About Me
- bslawg
- I ramble, and knit, and run, and bitch, and ramble. But occasionally there is something funny or interesting.
5 comments:
That's an interesting point you make. I look at my relationship with Loki and I try to figure out who was the one conforming.
The more I think about it, the more I believe this needs a whole new post.
Ain't people watching the greatest! You have discovered some very interesting questions, I think.
Now, go study..........
:)
i was walking to the motor pool one day and a quasi high-ranking officer pulled over to give me a ride. this guy was just a really tall, skinny dude. looked nervous and geeky. was nervous and geeky. total army. turns the music up and he's playing a compilation tape he'd made with ramones and sex pistols. "uh, sir. this really isn't the music i would've assumed you'd listen to". "what? you didn't know that i used to play guitar in a punk band? look" and proceeds to roll his sleeves up so i can see where he'd put cigarettes out on his forearms on stage.
it's kinda fun to be shocked sometimes.
I think in a healthy relationship both partners do some conforming. Typically we see aspects in our partner which we like and are attracted to, and try to emulate. Sometimes it's superficial like hair color or piercing. Sometimes it's deeper.
#2 are opposites in many ways. He's short and part black; I'm tall and all white. The features can't really be conformed to. But I really think that people tend to rub off on each other--relationship or not. For example, my best friend is disgustingly patient and I am extremely impatient. As the years passed, we both ended up somewhere in the middle.
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