So, I'm back with the whole fam-damily. It is the season of gathering and festivities after all. In the traditional law girl family way, we are all about to kill each other. And much like Thanksgiving, I can't help thinking that it would be that much better if George were here.
I haven't posted much about being gone. I haven't talked a lot about how much I miss him, but the last day or so has been really hard. We're not even a week into it, and I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to do this. So, in true me fashion, I'm going to blog about it. Because that's what I do.
We still talk every day. We chat online almost every day. We chatted online when we lived in the same state. So it really isn't all that different. But it's so different.
He sends me messages that say "I miss you". These messages make me feel bad. They make me feel bad because they make me so happy. I shouldn't be so happy about him missing me. I don't want him to be as miserable as I am. I don't want him to be as distracted as I am. I don't want him to feel as lost and alone as I do. But I really want him to feel as miserable, and lost and alone as I do. I like that he misses me. I like that he tells me he misses me. But I hate that I feel good that he feels bad. Does that make any sense at all?
And I miss him so much it hurts. When I'm falling asleep at night I close my eyes and picture his face. I picture his eyes, with their freakishly long lashes. I picture his cheek, where he lets the stubble grow in. I picture his hands when they are wrapped up in mine. Sometimes I can almost feel him.
To hear his voice, sounding so close, but knowing it is so far away. To hear the background noise of the place where I am not. To listen to the tale of his day. The sounds of his life so far from where I am. It simply makes me miss him.
So, with less than a week apart, I'm already planning a trip. I need to have something to look forward to. I need to know, for my own personal sanity, when I'm going to see him again. I'm hoping the weather will hold so I can road trip for New Years. There is only one man I want to kiss on New Years Eve. And he is a million miles away. I've been a very good girl this year. Maybe Santa is listening.
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3 comments:
No, I understand.
It makes perfect sense. And, I hope so much that Santa reads your blog!!
:)
I so experience this on a very SMALL scale every time #2 leaves for work. I relish him saying he misses me and how much he wants to have sex with me. I need to hear that to know I matter to him, I have such a lasting effect on him. When he's gone for a month or more, it nearly kills me. I imagine him in bed with me the way you do.
I really hope you get your trip and New Year's kiss!
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