On Dreams...A Preamble

I have worn many hats throughout my life. The hat that labeled me daughter, sister, wife, aunt, friend, and yes I have worn the hat that labeled me wife.

I don't talk about my marriage in the blog. I feel the need to make some sort of disclaimer on that. I was too young when I got married. He was too young when we got married. And by the time we finished growing up, we looked at each other and decided we had not grown into people who could be compatible. That...and he never quite got the concept of monogamy.

The divorce shattered me, and my fundamental beliefs on life, in many ways. I took "forever" maybe just a little too literally. When I walked down the aisle I believed it was the only time I would be a bride. I still held strong to the fairy tale romance of "the one and only". It has taken years of therapy to come to terms with that shattered reality.

Then I went to law school. Now, a major portion of the work I do is divorces. Primarily those involving domestic abuse, substance abuse, or child abuse. The whole concept of happily ever after is something that I simply don't believe in anymore. I've seen too much. I've lived too much.

With that said, the concept of marriage is something that gives me the heeby jeebies. I understand it, but I don't believe it. When it comes to long term lasting relationships I am about as jaded a person as you can find. Seriously. But there are times, times when I least expect it, perhaps times when I am least able to cope with it, when the ideology of my youth tries to break free.

And that leaves me befuddled.