Seriously, I feel like I'm on a roller coaster right now. Life is amazing. Life sucks. Life is as wonderful as I ever imagined life could be. I feel like I'm cursed. All at the same time.
So, I met this guy. I debated about talking about this, simply because I have a tendency to whine about my relationships too much, but isn't that what this is for? We've know each other for a while. He knows all about Mr. Stonecold and Mr. Jackass. He's one of the people I whine to on a regular basis.
I didn't talk about this guy when I met him, because I didn't know what was going to happen. Unlike every other guy I've blogged about, he didn't lead me on. It was a little casual flirting here, and some suggestive talk there, but nothing more. He's a great guy. As much as I wanted it to turn into more, I assumed it never would because why would he be interested in me...right? Wrong.
So a couple of days ago, things heated up. Now my future path is a path I never dared myself to imagine. I'm scared to let myself even look at it for fear that it's all in my head.
He tells me I'm beautiful. He tells me that he's not good enough for me! Can you believe that? He has a job, he's straight, he's not married, he has teeth, he makes me laugh, he makes me feel safe, he makes me want to be the woman that I am in his head. And he tells me he's not good enough.
Last night we talked so late we watched the sun come up together. As the fingers of daylight stretched across the sky, his strength and presence was the answer to all I have been looking for. For a moment I could imagine a future with someone I could trust. I could imagine rocking our grandkids on the porch swing when we're old. For a moment there was hope.
Maybe I just needed a clear picture of what I was looking for before I could find him. Maybe I just needed to hold on to that string of hope. Maybe I needed to know how bad it could be so I would appreciate him when he found me. I don't know. What I do know is if I had a time machine, serious adjustments would be made. For the first time in years, love may be an option. And that scares the shit out of me.
5 comments:
Yeah, but it's a good kind of scary, isn't it? I hope he does deserve you! I hope!
The reality is I don't deserve him. He's fantasticamazingwonderful. It's a good kind of scary, if it works ot. If it dosen't I'm seriously becoming a nun.
pgh I'll count on it. You may need to put your ass kickin' shoes on, but so far so good! ;)
Yipppeeeee!!!
Pgh - I'd make time stand still for the good stuff...ya know? It just seems so surreal right now.
SBS - THANKS!!! But as my blogging doppleganger, you know what's comming for you now...get ready you'll find him.
Rowan - Don't give up sweetie. I almost gave up. And here I am. Then again, stay tuned, you never know what's going to happen!
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