Maybe I'm Just Not That Into Me Either

I read "He's Just Not That Into You" yesterday. I've decided that no one has ever been that into me. Ever. In fact, if I follow the book I truly believe I will end up old, alone and living with 25 cats.

Not that a rational perspective on not dating married men is not appreciated. I understand that if the guy doesn't call for two weeks it probably means I'm being weird to call him. I understand that if he says he needs time to get over his ex, I don't want to hang around to wait for him. In fact, I don't actually disagree with anything the book says. I agree with it all. The problem is the depressing realization that I've never had anyone that into me and I probably never will.

The really funny thing is I don't know that I've ever been that into anyone else either. I've done a lot of the things in the book that the guys are supposed to do. I've made the same kind of excuses. I'm a bitch, what can I say.

So this is my official announcement. Despite all of the forces of nature trying to push me into celibacy, I am rebelling. I will not be celibate. I will not be a lesbian. I will not hold my standards so strongly that I am unwavering in acceptance of imperfection. Although worthy of perfection, I realize nobody is perfect.

All I want is a fricken boyfriend. I don't want to get married. I don't want to have kids. I promise I won't pressure you to meet my parents. I won't expect you to buy me jewelry. I don't really like flowers. You've already missed my birthday and Christmas this year. I'm fairly low maintenance. I only want to hang out a couple times a week. I don't care if you watch porn or talk to your ex girlfriends. I don't expect you to pay every time we go out (every once in a while would be nice though). I will not move my toothbrush into your bathroom. I will not leave my crap in your house. I will not ask to drive your car. I just want a boyfriend.

I promise I'm not ugly. I'm not an idiot. I'm not stuck up. I'm not boring. I don't talk about myself all the time because I have this blog as an outlet. I am a good girlfriend. Oh yeah, and I don't bite, unless you want me to. Takers? Didn't think so. Anyone have a cat to give away?