Monday, February 13, 2006

I Want ESPN To Do The News

Evidently VP Cheney shot someone over the weekend. I'm not going to get into the politics of the shooting. It was an accident. It was bird shot. The guy is not dead. We as a society have decided that hunting is an important part of our culture and supported by the Constitution. That said, I wish ESPN was covering the news.

On Fox this morning (I know, I know, I shouldn't watch Fox, but I couldn't resist the freak show) they reported it as:
"Vice President Cheney was involved in an accidental shooting when his rifle discharged and impacted with a bystander. The bystander was immediately given appropriate medical treatment by the VP's personal medical team, which he travels with on the off chance that he kicks the bucket early and the President actually has to think on his own for a while. (Wait I editorialized a little). The bystander is in intensive care, which is medically appropriate in this situation."

CNN reported the story as:
"The Vice President shot someone in the face while hunting for poor defenseless animals which he didn't intend to eat but only shot for the sport of watching their hot blood poor out onto the cold ground. The victim's condition is unknown at this time, but he is in intensive care and is not expected to be released any time soon."

Both story's are accurate. Both story's are truthful. But are they?

If ESPN did the news here's how it would go:
"In a great shot of marksmanship, VP Cheney shot a target he wasn't even aiming at today. VP Cheney is the first seated VP to shoot another person without intending to shoot him. He is the second seated VP to actually shoot another human being. Do you know who the first VP was Bob? No? The late, the great, Aaron Burr."

Now isn't that story more fun.

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