Warning: Sappy post ahead.
I had a tough day yesterday. So Mr. Stonecold took me out to dinner and we sat and talked for about four hours. A couple of days ago I told him about my blog, and he managed to drag out of me his psudonyme. After I clarified that Stonecold is not in reference to Steve Austin, he launched an argument as to how he really is emotional and has feelings. We continued that discussion last night.
I've seen him happy. I've seen him sad. I've seen him irked, if not totally pissed. He claims he gets jealous, and feels pain but I have yet to witness those things. And with that he claims he is emotional and thus "Stonecold" is not an accurate depiction of him.
What he doesn't understand is that is the exact reason Stonecold is accurate. Happy to sad does not complete the full range of emotion. Stonecold has more to do with the fact that he emotionally distances himself from the people around him, than it does with his failure to experience a range of emotions. He feels. I know he feels. But he won't allow himself to feel about someone. That's what makes him Mr. Stonecold.
I didn't tell him that. About half way through the conversation he got irked. He kept saying "I'm a simple man". After a little probing I figured out that my analysis of him makes him uncomefortable. He doesn't want me to figure him out. He doesn't want me to know any more than he is a simple man, driven by normal human desires. He has hopes and dreams, fears and pain. He experiences a range of emotion and lives a simple life.
In reality he is a simple man. He just refuses to allow human connection. I think I almost have that figured out. He's protecting himself of course. He's been hurt. Hell, we've all been hurt. You don't get to our age without some scars. But he has also caused hurt. He is inherently a protector. He is protecting the world from himself. He believes himself to be too dangerous to allow someone in.
That said, we didn't do anything "amazing" last night other than talk. It was nice. He kissed me good night. It's the first time he's kissed me good night. As far as kisses go, it was just a kiss. Nothing spectacular. But it was a goodnight kiss. The only time he's ever kissed me before this was when we were...well...in the middle of...playing. When we're done playing it's always back to friends. Just friends. Tonight he kissed me goodnight. Just a kiss. I'm in somethin here. I don't know if I'm in Love, but I'm damn sure in Trouble.
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