Structural Integrity

I'm back. I spent the weekend looking at houses. Ugh. I've about decided I'm going to have to learn how to live out of the back of my car, and even that would be an improvement over most of what I saw this weekend.

I promise. I'm really not being picky. I promise. I'm not looking for the great family homestead where I will live until I die. I'm just looking for something that will structurally maintain its integrity for the next four or five years and then have some resale value. I don't care if it has two bedrooms or six. I don't care if it sits on two acres or a sidewalk. I don't care if it has hardwood floors or carpet. I really don't. I just want structural integrity and a garage.

Ready Sean....
This is my baby. She needs a garage. I refuse to keep her out in the elements, even under a cover. The garage is non-negotiable.

So, I'm really not picky...I just need a garage, with a structurally sound house attached. I don't even care if the garage has a garage door opener. I would like enough room in the garage for my tools. But if there isn't enough room in the garage for my tools, they can live in my living room for a while. Or in the spare bedroom. Or in the kitchen. I really don't care as long as the house isn't going to fall down around me.

Why the emphasis on structurally sound? I saw two houses this weekend - TWO HOUSES - that were literally uninhabitable. They had cracks all the way through to the foundation. When you went into the basement the basement floor was split like the San Andreas fault. It was horrible. I saw one house that didn't have a front door. In order to get in you had to go through the back yard, up the deck and through the sliding glass door - with no outside lock. I saw one house that had water damage so bad it smelled like crack. And those were the good ones.

I'm becoming frustrated.

So, because of timing I've come to the conclusion that I have to focus on what is important. I have to bump the whole house finding mission until after I take the bar. After all, if I don't pass the bar, even the greatest house in the world is irrelevant. Which brings us back to the original problem.

I am essentially homeless. My baby has heated storage through the winter, so she's ok. But I'm without proper residence. This is what you get when you fly off the handle and make rash decisions. I'm such a moron.

Something will turn up. Everything will be ok. I'm set for now. It's just time to roll with the punches and let life happen while I focus on the big stuff. I've never been very good at that.

I read my post from Friday this morning. I'm alive, just disconnected - pretty much sums it up. I've gotten to the numb stage. I've gotten to the stage where I look at the situation and it feels like someone else's life. I know this is evidence of wall building. I know this is evidence of emotionally shutting down. I know this is evidence of self protective measures I've been trying to avoid. I can't avoid them any longer. I can't handle everything else that's going on and not build walls. Once I came to that conclusion I felt much better. The emotional wall flew up amazingly fast. I'm safe here. I don't have to feel here. Someday I'll deal with the deconstruction. But for now I need something with structural integrity in my life. Even if it is just my own emotional walls.

So that's the latest. Off to study.