This Just In...

I just realized something. Yes. I just realized it just this second. Right at this moment. This is seriously late breaking news folks.

Um...I'm in love. And it's freaking me the fuck out. Between the "is he gonna say it", and the "he could be leaving any second now", I kind of forgot about the whole love thing. Well, I didn't really forget about it, it just kind of got accepted before I could freak.

So...um...yeah.

Now I'm having a panic attack. Not literally, ok, maybe my heart is racing a little and my palms are mildly sweaty, but I am just getting over the Martian Death Flu.

But, I can't be in love! Love implies...well...THINGS! Love implies...STUFF! Love implies responsibility for someone else's emotions. Letting them into your life. Letting them into the deep dark recesses of your mind. Letting them see you before you have COFFEE!!!

In all seriousness, this is scary. I know it's not a new thing. I know I should just go with the moment. But I'm terrified.

Seriously, terrified. See, I don't love easy. I can count on one hand, with fingers left over, the number of times I've been in love. And I believe love is something that is endless. Boundless. Without reason or sanity. I don't love half way. I don't know how to love half way. Maybe that's my problem. But I only know one way to love. Unconditionally, totally, and completely.

But with all that sappy theoretical stuff, in order for me to love I have to trust the other person. Trust him that he's not going to take it for granted. Trust him that he's not going to take it as a trinket or a play thing. Trust him that he's not going to use it against me. Evidently I do trust him. No, I know I trust him. But that scares me too.

And then...throw on top of it all the whole "leaving" thing.

Yeah...late breaking news...I'm done for.