The Life I Love Is Makin Music With My Friends

I'm on the road again. It seems like I've been on the road a lot this summer. It's ok, I like traveling. I'm just looking forward to being home for a while now.

So, Mr. Stonecold and I have had a record number of knock down drag outs over the past few days. It's killing me. He's leaving. It's killing me. I'm not there with him now, it's killing me. He's having a tough time with the whole decision, and I've been so wrapped up in my own emotional pain that I've ignored his. That's killing me too. I feel like shit for missing that. I feel like shit because he's leaving. I generally just feel like shit.

He's gotten really emotional over the past few days. Stonecold almost doesn't fit him anymore. He's almost *gasp* open with his feelings. I said almost. The reality of it is we are both going to miss the hell out of each other. We will do our best to stay in contact. We'll see what happens.

In all reality the relationship we have shouldn't have worked as long has it has either. The relationship we have was doomed to fail from day one. But it hasn't. And it's still goin strong. If anything, it's stronger now than it was a year ago. So who knows. Maybe we can make it work. Maybe we can still be best of friends living in different hemispheres. Maybe when he gets a new fuck buddy I won't feel like chopping his nuts off. We'll see.

The other thing I have realized is that there are a lot of things I have been holding back and holding in. I give him shit for being stonecold, but I'm not much better. Maybe there are things I need to say before he leaves. Maybe there are things I need to do before he leaves. It just seems so much like he's dying when I have to go through that process. I guess, depending on how you look at it, that's not far from the truth.

So, I'll be home on Saturday. We're hanging out on Sunday. I miss him. I should get used to it.