Well, Mr. Stonecold has been gone for a week. I haven't seen him since the road trip. We're hanging out tonight. I'm nervous. I don't know why I'm nervous, but I am.
I missed the hell out of him. I missed his stupid face. I missed his stupid jokes. I missed his stupid patriarchal outlook on life. I missed him calling me. I just plain missed him.
So, now I feel like a 15 year old girl getting ready for her first date. I've been planning my outfit for two days. I've already started the beauty routine, and I don't go over there for another 7 hours. I'm pissed at myself for doing this. I'm not a girly girl. I don't normally play the Paris Hilton routine for anyone.
But, in my defense, this is the first time we've hung out without the kids in almost two months. No interruptions. No distractions. Just the two of us. Ugh, I'm nervous. What if we don't have anything to talk about? What if he thinks I'm ugly? What if he plays the emotionally pull away again game?
Or worse yet, what if the past week, after the road trip, he's decided he's ready to actually allow emotions to be involved? What the hell am I supposed to do if he comes up with the "yeah, we really are dating" speech? What the hell do I do if he actually admits there are emotions? I've come to realize I rely on his "Stonecoldedness" to protect myself. I don't get too close because he won't let me. I don't have to worry about it because he won't let it be an issue. What if he decides to let it be an issue? I'm not ready for that yet. I don't want that to happen yet. I don't want things to change yet.
And I miss the kids. I hope they're doing ok. They started school this week, and I wonder how it went. I wonder if they finished their books. I wonder if they got the teachers they wanted. I wonder if they transitioned ok back to being at their mom's. They're not my kids, but I miss them.
Maybe it's just PMS. Maybe it's just that I haven't had enough coffee. Maybe I just need a G&T. All I know is I have a non-date with my emotionally unavailable manfriend and I feel like I'm going to puke.
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9 comments:
Stop thinking.
Your mind is overtaking you. You are overanalyzing. Just go.
But I do know what you are saying.
boy it's like everyone has to do a cliffhanger post this weekend
I understand....really I do....It's what we do.....we over analyze....and we are damn good at it.
i just realized that you don't list "top gun" as a favorite movie, just the volleyball scene. honest to a fault, huh?
Honest to a fault Sean. That, and I have fundamental issues with Tom Cruise.
But issues or not...that scene is great cinimatic history.
I have issues with Mr. Cruise as well...
How was your nondate?
Non-mentionable...HA I kill me.
Just kidding, I'll update as soon as I figure it out...ok, sooner than that, but you know what I mean.
I once spent all day getting ready for a date with someone I'd been friends with for 20 years. I totally get what you're talking about!
So, what happened?
You seem to be in okay spirits from your comments. I hope that's true!
Word, Chris. Word.
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