One of my new favorite shows on TV is Intervention. There is something very satisfying in watching crack heads not quite know why their lives are so screwed up until the guy comes in with their family in the end. I know, I'm a dork.
So anyway, Ms. Twinkie and Mr. Stonecold sat me down for an emotional intervention tonight. Evidently they are afraid I'm going into emotional shut down over this whole thing. Um...yeah.
It's nice to know I have friends who care. It's nice to know I have friends who will call me out on my shit when it needs to be called. Even if one of them is the reason for the shit that's being called. Did that make any sense at all? Didn't think so.
Anyway, the long and short of it is this. I'm supposed to admit to Mr. Stonecold that I love him before he leaves because somehow that is supposed to keep me from going into emotional shut down which is somehow unhealthy. He loves me. He's not in love with me. Yeah, I know. It's kind of like the "It's not you, it's me" break-up line.
Whatever. All I know is it's time to quit crying about it. He's not crying over me. He's not going to miss me. He's not going to skip a beat. Within four weeks of him leaving he'll have a new fuck buddy. Within ten weeks of him leaving he won't even remember my name. By the time he's done with training he won't remember who I am. It's time to accept it and move on.
Moving on requires thought into a future without my best friend. I never in a million years thought that was a possibility right now. But I'm a tough cookie. I'll make it. I'll be ok. A fresh start someplace else may be just what the doctor ordered. Time to move on.
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6 comments:
BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT BULLSHIT
I have no doubts that you are fully capable of moving on and being strong.
However, I find this whole "intervention" they performed as bullshit. People are not supposed to pin you down and tear the feelings out of you. They are your emotions to do what you will with them. The thought of "just admit that you love me" makes me feel ill.
And I don't know that I buy that he will completely move on and forget you. He may not be in love with you, but you did seem close. You got mingled in with his children. While you may not be as important to him as you want, i believe you still have some significance.
I hate this whole situation for you. The abrupt change has to be very difficult to accept so quickly.
I'm not quite sure that moving to a new place is the best remedy for you. I do agree with Chris in thinking that you are capable of being strong - even if you don't believe it sometimes.
And I don't know how admitting that you love him will solve any problems.
What Chris said!
Honey, I can't help, but I really wish I could! You are such a wonderful person. You helped me feel welcome on Blogger when I first came here and I'll never forget that! If Mr. Stonecold can forget you, he's got bullshit for brains! I don't know Ms. Twinkie and Mr. Stonecold, but it was so wrong of them to do that to you! Trying to force you to admit you love the man who's running away from the woman who's stood by him through all his bullshit? No. I don't buy that! You won't shut down emotionally. You just might shut him out. That's to be expected; he just didn't expect it.
I think you can do better! I wish you strength through this trial. I will be thinking about you a lot and hoping for the best for you. For all I know, best for you is with Mr. Stonecold, but I think moving on is a very good idea. Only you can know what you need to do. (((hugs))) (And I'm not just being silly, here. I really wish I could reach out and give you a good hug!)
Oh my god. I can't believe any of this. It's surreal. I can't believe that they did that to you. What does it matter how you feel about him....he is leaving....what does it matter now??? I just ache for you. And, I'm mad at them.
I think you need to smack the shit out of the interventionists. You do what you feel is right to do in your guts. If it's going to be humiliating to confess your feelings for him, don't do it.
I had to voluntarily end my fuck buddy relationship last year about this time. I cried and cried, and was miserable. At the time, he was also my best friend, the person I talked to 3 or 4 times a day. And then, I decided in order to get over him, I had to go cold turkey.
I listened to a lot of Sarah McLachlan, and it did indeed hurt like hell, but it passed. And after, I started dating again, and eventually met the chef.
But that took time. First, it hurt like a motherfucker.
Then I moved on.
Now, I'll get an occasional message from HIM wondering what I'm up to. I thought the same as you, but he's realized over the past year how good he had it with me. And now I'm the one who's just not into him.
Karma, baby.
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