Natural "Manstincts"

Yesterday I met Mr. Stonecold's mom. And his dad. And hung out with his kids. Um...yeah.

We're not dating. We're not "an item". We're not "in love". I've gotten past the point where I need a label. We just are. It's comfortable. Seriously, it is. He's my emotionally unavailable man friend, and I'm happy with that.

But days like yesterday feel strange. We fit into each other's lives so seamlessly. Maybe it's because we've been such good friends for so long. Maybe it's because I play the roll that's obviously missing in his life. Maybe it's because his natural "manstincts" kick in and he can't control them, I don't know. (I just made that word up by the way. I like it. I'll probably use it again.)

We're hanging out with the kids again on Friday. He's got the kids for the summer. I've never really spent a lot of time with him when he has the kids. He's a fantastic dad. A little strict for my taste, but I understand the logic behind it. There is still just something primal within me that reacts to seeing him play the "dad" role though. I don't know why. And that, in and of itself, is distracting.

So we all watched the fireworks together last night. While the kids were rolling down the hill, he'd look over at me every now and then. I don't know what it is about the looks he gives me, but they simply make my knees wobble. I know he's probably thinking about work the next day, or world peace, or hog farming, or the price of gas, or something...but it feels like he's looking into my soul.

After the past week it feels like we've gotten a lot closer. We've let some guards down. But sometimes I freak out. Sometimes it feels like it's actually getting emotional, and I almost have a panic attack. I think he goes through the same thing. I think he went through that last night. But just about the time I think he's going to turn around and run, he'll reach over and touch my leg. Or call for no reason. Or just look at me. And that takes my breath away.