So the hangover is finally gone. Well, for the most part. The physical ramifications of the hangover are gone. The emotional ramifications remain. As they will for a period of time which is yet to be defined.
At times in life there are turning points. Some of us just pivot for a while before we decide whether we want to go forward or go back. Its nice to know I'm not the only one doing pirouettes in the road.
Last night I had a very brutal conversation with a very good friend. I joke about being a bitch, but I really have a hard time laying down the painful truth. The truth of the matter is the mess he has found himself in is a result of his own actions, or inactions as the case may be. I don't know why it seemed like a good idea to lay the verbal smackdown at that particular moment. I guess the spirit just moved me.
He's stuck in a rut. The rut is so deep it's practically a trench. I told him that he just has to accept reality for what it is and quit resisting. Maybe those words were more for me than for him. After three hours of yelling at him, he is now ready to go live in a shack in the woods.
Maybe I was too harsh. Maybe I'm a bigger bitch than I know. Maybe he just really needs to go live in a shack in the woods. But I don't want him to go live in a shack in the woods. He was so insistent on this fact I actually cried. Thank god he couldn't see me cry, but I did. He kept saying that the world would go on without him and everybody would be just fine. Which is true. The sun and moon do not set around him. If he dropped off the face of the planet tomorrow, people would continue to live. But it wouldn't be the same. He would be missed. And a little part of each of us would disappear with him.
Which brings me to the thought of the day. I recognize that none of us is important enough to drive the universe. I recognize that at any point any one of the important people in my life could disappear. And I recognize that I would continue to go on. But, why is that? Is that all we are? If life goes on regardless, what is the point of human relationships? If it's all going to end, why bother? I guess on a long enough time line all lifespans are zero. Thus, on a slightly shorter timeline all relationships are zero as well.
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Ok, for all that have been following the Mr. Stonecold and Law Girl saga, I have a few thoughts on the matter. First, Law Girl, you are a great person. You are kind, sweet, loving, pretty and wild in the sack. Second, the reason Mr. Stonecold is not "in love" with you is he is not ready to be in love with anyone. His life is a mess and he feels that he is not worthy of love right now. This is not your fault it is his. He may never be ready for a loving relationship. The relationship is what it is, you are great friends and have great sex. That is what it is. The reason Mr. Stoncold said he wanted to "hook" you up with another guy is because he feel like a fucking jerk because you deserve better than what he can, or is willing to give at this piont. It makes him sad to know how you feel and to know that he can't feel the same.
He is lost in his life, as you already know, and has no idea how to be found. Now he just wants to run away from the world, he is afraid and tired of fighting the system. He wants life to be the way it was so, so many years ago when he was on top and if he can't figure out how to be on top, then he will be on the very bottom. Now, for those of you who haven't figured it out yet, I am Mr. Stonecold. I said that I would never read this blog again, but my heart is so heavy and I have a hard time saying things sometimes, so I decided I would post a comment. I hope that no one gets to offended by me doing this.
Mr. Stonecold
We are not offended Stonecold....we welcome your opinions....As I hope you do ours...Cause here comes mine...
It seems to me like you have some serious shit going on inside of your head....May I reccomend counseling? It can work wonders...
However, in the meantime....
I feel so bad for bslawg during all of this. She is the one suffering here. You need to recognize what you are doing to her and walk away....no, baby, run. She will never be able to let go of you by herself. I am pretty certain of this because I am there as well. We want the man to change...we want the man to be who we need him to be...and we are so wrapped up in these desires that reality is somewhat distorted for us.
Just my two cents...for all it is worth....
In my experience, fuck buddy or friends with benefits situation CANNOT work if both people are not on the same emotional page. If one feels more or less than the other, it always ends up becoming hurtful or damaging or driving someone crazy.
While Mr. Stonecold may have valid personal, unrelated reasons for not being able to have anything more, it is unhealthy to continue on with less for Law Girl. Great friends with great sex doesn't fill the void if someone has one.
Just a couple words of my experience...
Well then. To Mr. Stonecold, as I understand, that everything in the last year was never your intention, may I please remind you you what the definition of intention is. You and I get into a verbal misunderstanding. This leads to some animated hand gestures. As you raise your hand in such a gesture (to punch me in the face), I duck and you hit Law Girl. Now then, Law Girl doesnt give a flying fuck about the fact that your intention was to punch me instead of her. No! All she cares about is the fact that you gave her a bloody nose! And that my dear friend is what happens when people have intentions. If you ask me, I think you should get off the pitty pot. Stop whining. We all have been hurt. We've all had our hearts ripped out and shattered into millions of little bits. We've all sworn to never love again. We've said it all and promised it all and broken them all. Your no different nor is your pain. Your pain and expierence is not unique. Ther's nothing you can say or do or think, that someone from the beginning of time hasn't already said, done, or thought. Yes, shitty things happened to you. Shitty things happened to me to. And this whole not worthy of being loved...BULLSHIT! But I'm going to save taht rant for when I see you next.
-Miss Twinkie
OK...I have missed something....who is Miss Twinkie?
She's my best friend...um...here:
http://bslawg.blogspot.com/2006/05/socially-unacceptable.html
That will give you a good overview.
Oh yeah...I remember now....thanks for the review!!
All. I appreciate your words of advice, I really do. In defense (so I don't sound like a moron) this really is the sweetest gesture he could have ever done. So much better than roses. Then again, I'm not much of a flower girl.
It took a lot for him to come here, where he knew he would get bashed, and say the things he should have said to my face. Regardless of how he did it, I do have a certain amount of emotional closure now.
He really is a great guy...I'm just not the girl he's looking for. That's ok. I know that you shouldn't give the milk away for free...but hell, every now and then ya gotta get milked. Ya know. And it's awefully nice to have the same person milk you for a while. Especially when he's so damn good at it.
I like cheese, not milk though.
James The Third
James...if I didn't already know who you were that would be really gross.
Good thing you don't get any of my milk then, huah.
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